Swirly Head

My head is swirling like never before, so this may be complete gobbledy-gook. Since my last post a lot has happened. Me and my other half have moved out of our flat and are living with a friend until we complete on a flat of our own. It will hopefully contribute to getting a feeling of normality back, as while I have been experience "everyday noraml" things, I have not been feeling that way.

I, like my KCU blogging companions (and some non-bloggers) attended a 7th July Commitee Meeting on March 23rd which was very emotional. It was the first time I had really heard what people at the other sites had to go through - I had read about their experiences, but never heard them. It made me realise that the support I have had from King's Cross United has been invaluable; I still have a long way to go, but the group of people I have met have given me strength and hope for the future.

It was an opportunity for people to voice their concerns on a number of issues, from communications facilities on the trains themselves (or lack of) to post-event communications (or lack of). The need for a public enquiry and lack of Government response was also voiced - this was not in the meeting's re-mit but who wouldn't take the opportunity? I know I would.

On a personal note, I went to the ENT specialist to check up my blown-out eardrum. I was extremely nervous as I wanted to hear good news - I am due to go to New York on April 19th (about which I am also extremely nervous; Mr Valium may be of use in that situation) and did not want to be told that I couldn't make the journey.

For some strange reason I did not think that I would be treated by the coldest human being I have ever met. He took me into his consulting room, and asked me if my hearing had improved after the operation. Unfortunately it hadn't, as I now had tinnitus which had obviously impacted on my hearing. He looked as if to say, "sorry, that's the wrong answer - you are supposed to say yes and you are lying if you said no" which was a tad disconcerting.

The nice man then checked my ear and ermmed. Then he ermmed again. Then he said, "that might not be good". I was wondering what was happening but he had turned back to his desk to look at my notes. He kept looking. I kept sitting there. I decided to ask what was wrong. The nice man ermmed again while still looking at the notes. Finally he stirred into motion and said, "I need to check this with the head consultant". I was left there like a lemon wondering what on earth was going on. My feeling of bewilderment only got worse when he returned and said "could you wait outside please?"

I decided to step up and tell him that I was wondering what he saw and that because of the way I received the injury surely he could see that I was a bit upset at being kept in the dark. Obviously he had taken this on board as he responded with....

"Yep". Yep?!?!

He then, once again, asked me to leave the consulting room. I waited outside and was ready to run off there and then. I could not handle the thought of having another operation as the last one left me unable to open my jaw properly for a fortnight. However, some minutes had passed and he asked me to return to the consulting room. It was there that the cold robot consultant had obviously malfunctioned and the human equivalent had taken over, as it was like two different people - he had told that while I still had a hole in my ear, it was tiny and healing very well. He drew me a diagram showing me the original hole (which was quite large) and the hole now (nowhere near as large). He gave me the ok to fly and even apologised for his earlier conduct. I was then on my merry way. It was quite a highly charged check-up which ended with some good news.

However, I am now slightly worried as I had a check-up in December and that consultant had told me that the hole had healed - so does this mean that the hole is a recent thing and will get worse? Could well be - I have another appointment in four months time (which will take me to July and one year after the event; it has gone quite quickly, and yet slowly at some times). In the meantime, I have to think positive as that is, quite frankly, the only way to get through things.

I am writing this as I am approaching the end of my work day. It has taken me all day to write this and my concentration has been tested. I have sent precisely two work emails. I will do more tomorrow. Hopefully.