Busy Busy
I have had (and am having) a hectic day today. I had an hour and a quarter of intensive physiotherapy followed by work (which is my current location) and tonight I will be seeing Depeche Mode.
I returned from my Monkey World and general Dorset trip yesterday - the weekend was excellent. We went to Swanage for a general walk around the seafront, Poole (which, to be honest wasn't the most exciting place but was very picturesque, a beautiful restaruant in Weymouth and then Bournemouth yesterday.
It was an ordinary (but fun) weekend away and it felt so good to be out of London for a few days.
It was my birthday last Friday and I woke up with a wide range of emotions. I was excited that it was my birthday, ecstatic that I was still here to see my birthday but those positive emotions were tempered with an incredible sadness - I felt so sad that there were people who were no longer around to celebrate such events. I know that I am thankful to be here but my grief for the people who did not make it on July 7th is still intense and anything that makes me feel alive and, indeed, glad to be alive also makes me sad (and, quite frankly, angry then full of disbelief) that ANYONE should have to lose their life in such a barbaric way.
But life carries on. It is just that sometimes I find it difficult that time is marching onwards and the gap between that day and today is growing, but I still feel like it is July 2005.
This is a bit of a non-post as I am still saying things I said months ago but that's the way I feel - like I am spinning around on a round-a-bout; I am feeling that I am moving but the movement is not how it should be. One bad day and I get knocked off and realise that I haven't moved on at all.
However, with the help I have received from Trauama Specialists, friends (Kings Cross United and Non-Kings Cross United both) and family, I will get there and the raw feelings I have now will undoubtedly subside. There is still some way to go, though.
posted by Mitch @ 2:59 PM
3 Comments:
there is indeed still some way to go...but don't forget how far you have already come...a bad couple of days doesn't mean you're going backwards...it's just a 'blip'....you are back at work...you went down to the platform at kings cross...you came to the london assembly...all things i'm sure you would never have imagined several months ago....hold onto that...we will all get there...and we will all get there together!
see you tomorrow?
hx
I know what you mean about celebrations, Christmas, birthdays etc.. Now they have two sides, as it is never far from my mind that there are people who are missing them.
But as always, it's just part of the process. Enjoy tonight.
Steve
I had a laugh when I read your blog about visiting Dorset and the various places you went to. I live here, and yes, Poole is very beautiful, but there is nothing to do and in the winter it completly shuts down, almost a ghost town. I lived in the heart of Poole a couple of years ago and the winter was quite mortifyingly boring. The quay cannot be seen due to the thick fog, and the amount of people that even go shopping is quite miniscule. Myself and my other half used to laugh as we spent many an evening just watching tv and wondering what to do there! Even the pubs on new year were practically empty! In the summer its a completly different story, absolutely heaving with people, and the boat trips are great, but that only lasts for a few months.
Monkey world is fab, love it and Bournemouth, my home town, is probably a little to lively sometimes! Anyway glad you had a good time.
Ruth x
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