Catch up
I haven't been blogging for a while - it isn't anything to do with work or being busy - just plain laziness coupled with the fact that I'm walking around in a daze most of the time.
Quite a lot has happened since my last post - travelled to Huddersfield to see a fellow passenger who has moved back there - she helped save my leg and most probably my life - there is not anything I can do to adequately express how much her actions mean to me. her family are also some of the nicest people I have met (and I have met a lot of very nice people since July 05). Also there was the ISC Report, the Government Narrative, meetings with Tessa Jowell, the Home Secretary and the arrival of the London Assembly report - all 157 pages of it (Governmental cowards take note). I was at the public meeting to show support for all my fellow tube travellers. I decided not to proceed with my version of events as my memory has been badly affected and I am not the most eloquent of people - the people who did give testimonies, both public and private, said everything that I felt at that time.
The meeting with Dr John Reid, our Home Secretary - an interesting encounter, if not entirely fruitful. Basically he said "there will be no public enquiry as it will divert resources"; my wife (undoubtedly the brains of the Mitchell household) asked the Home Sec "so what level of resources would need to be used before it would divert from other investigations?". He did not have an answer for that. He made a big deal of the £2.5m extra. While anything extra is more than welcomed, he will not placate people who will need caring for the rest of their lives and people whos loved ones were tekn away from them.
On the domestic front, Flat number three has fallen through - a process which we began in October last year. Two flats in London and one house in surrey has fallen through for different reasons. We are now renting a basement flat for six months until we decide what to do. It seems likely that we will buy a house in Northern Ireland (where my wife is from), rent a flat in London, keep the house for a couple of years and then sell it as the house prices have started to rise there. Or we may move there completely. To be honest, I don't know whether I do want to leave London. I have an urge to succeed here (although in what, I do not know)
I am posting this now even though I do not feel like doing anything - to be honest, I'm in a pretty foul mood. I was really looking forward to living in the last flat we were going to buy. I just feel totally out of sorts and in a complete state of bewilderment. My trauma does not seem to be going away, my memory is still terrible and I just cannot think straight at all. I am glad to be alive but I am not happy that I feel like a shell of a human. My emotions have been scrambled to pieces, and it is now really getting to me.
There isn't really anything more to add, except I really feel like running away, but I will keep going. I have to. I feel quite guilty to have moments like this, as I should be living each day to the full - to honour the memories of the people who did not make it (for some reason I can't bring myself to say the D word), but there are days when I really want to just sleep - to shut myself out of the real world, becuase for every day that I think that the world is a wonderful place, there are two days when I think that the world, for want of a better word, simply sucks.
Sorry to end on such a sour note - I am sure I will feel better soon.
posted by Mitch @ 1:51 PM
3 Comments:
Good eloquent reactions after what you've been through.
The report I thought was a great success, eloquent and careful, and not nit picking atall. You all acheived exactly what you can acheive, that is, making sure people are safe in future. Remember it's all investment and might not show directly, but the results will be long term. Same with property investment :-) x
Someone got angry with me yesterday saying I didn't support the enquiries of yesterday's report, I do, very much, as you know, and especially your evidence. The only thing I didn't want you to do is go for the impossible ie the official secrets, as I'd be unhappy to see you all exhausted.
There is alot you can do to kick start the memory again, have you taken advice? x
Hi Mitch,
I'm not surprised you are feeling down, there has been so much July 7 stuff and it never seems to go, and of course we are approaching the aniiversary. And to get over being badly injured and nearly dying in a horror in less than a year, and never to feel any blow-back, would be very remarkable and quite possibly almost impossible: there are lots of people who have not suffered injuroes and who are still deeply affected and the news all the time makes it hard to move away from it. And the house, thing, that would make me very gloomy.
Hug to you and Mrs Mitch. x
Hi Mitch,
Sorry to hear about Flat 3. I know it's not what you both need right now. My saying has become...everything in life happens for a reason...so I guess it was not meant to be.
Don't feel guilty for feeling the way you do, you have every right. We should be living every day and be appreciative that we are here (and we have those days) but some days we have every right to sit in a corner and cry or to have a whinge. We are after all .. only human!
Big hugs and hope to see you real soon.
xx
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